National Coming Out Day
For over three decades, each October 11, the LGBTQIA+ community and its allies have celebrated National Coming Out Day — a celebration of the vibrancy of our community that encourages folks to share their truth with the world and take a stand against all forms of LGBTQIA+ discrimination. But how did the day get its start, and why is it so important to observe?
On Oct. 11, 1987, half a million people joined the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights to call on President Ronald Reagan to address the HIV/AIDS epidemic, which at the time had killed more than 40,000 people. A year later, on Oct. 11, 1988, Rob Eichberg, a psychologist and gay rights activist, and Jean O'Leary, the head of National Gay Rights Advocates at the time, created National Coming Out Day, according to the Human Rights Campaign. They wanted to "create a holiday that celebrated queer identities in order to decrease stigma and homophobia," The Advocate reported. Situated on the march’s first anniversary, the day marks a turning point in LGBTQIA+ rights in the United States. NCOD’s logo was famously created by late artist and HIV activist Keith Haring.
Eichberg, who died of AIDS complications in 1995, was a psychologist and founder of the personal growth workshop, The Experience. O’Leary was an out lesbian political leader and longtime activist from New York and was the head of National Gay Rights Advocates in Los Angeles at the time of NCOD’s founding. “Most people think they don’t know anyone gay or lesbian, and in fact everybody does,” Eichberg said in 1993, according to the New York Times. “It is imperative that we come out and let people know who we are and disabuse them of their fears and stereotypes.”
The term "coming out" was historically used by gay men to describe their debut into the gay community and culture at drag balls, according to The Week and George Chauncey's Gay New York. The idea was borrowed from debutante balls, when young, wealthy women would make their first appearance into society. The term "coming out of the closet" wasn't really used until the '60s, The Week reported, and it was used to describe someone coming out of hiding to be who they are.
Aruna Rao, the founder of PFLAG's Desi Rainbow Parents & Allies, an organization for South Asian immigrants with LGBTQ children, tells Woman's Day that the LGBTQ+ people she's spoken with have often thought very hard about coming out. "The journey towards coming out is very long, very arduous for most people, and so that act of coming out takes a lot of courage.” Coming out, Rao says, allows LGBTQ+ people to define, or at least start to figure out, who they are in their own terms and with their own agency.
When someone comes out to you — whether it's publicly via social media or personally in a one-on-one conversation — it's "an act of deep trust," Rao says. "It's an honor when someone comes out to you like that, and so your responsibility at that point is to essentially let them know how much you appreciate this gesture of trust and to ask how you can support." Often times, especially when kids come out to their parents, the parents might feel shocked and wonder what to do, and Rao says the first thing you should say or do is affirm them. "It's really about just saying, 'I love you,' and not 'I love you in spite of you being LGBTQ,' it's just, 'I love you, and I'm happy for you,'" she says.
One way you can offer support to those coming out to you is by researching local LGBTQIA+ resources to ensure those who are just figuring out how to live authentically and open have all of the tools they need to be their happiest, healthiest selves! Organizations like CAP and Prism Health are always here to provide compassionate, affirming health and wellness services that meet the unique needs of our community. Check out the video below to learn why affirming primary care, behavioral health, and pharmacy services are so very important to our communities, and take a moment to share them with your friends and social networks so that each and every person on National Coming Out Day know they always have a safe, compassionate place to receive care!
About Cascade AIDS Project
CAP is a non-profit organization that was founded in 1985 as a grassroots response to the AIDS crisis. As the oldest and largest community-based HIV services provider in Oregon and southwest Washington, we seek to support and empower all people with or affected by HIV, reduce stigma, and provide the LGBTQ+ community with compassionate healthcare. We do so by helping to ensure the health and well-being of our program participants each year through health, housing, and other social services. When the need for affordable, accessible, and culturally affirming primary care services was identified as a community need, we responded by opening Prism Health in 2017. More information can be found at www.capnw.org.
